What are BIDS FOR CONNECTION...and Why do they Matter?

"Turning towards bids of connection" is a concept from relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, referring to the way partners respond to each other's attempts to connect or communicate. Recognizing and responding positively to these bids is crucial for building and maintaining a strong emotional connection in a relationship.

Here's what you need to put this into action in your relationship right away!

How to Recognize Bids of Connection

Expressing Needs-

• When your partner communicates their needs, desires, or concerns, it's a bid for connection. This might be explicit, like asking for support, or implicit, where your partner is indirectly expressing a need.

Non-Verbal Cues-

• Be attuned to non-verbal cues, such as gestures, facial expressions, or body language. These signals may convey a desire for connection or an attempt to share something important.

Verbal Bids-

• Pay attention to verbal cues. This could be your partner making a comment, asking a question, or expressing a thought or feeling. this can be subtle or direct.

How to TURN TOWARDS Bids of Connection:

Be Present-

• Practice being fully present in conversations. Put away distractions, make eye contact, and actively listen to what your partner is saying. Being present communicates that you value and prioritize the connection.

Respond Positively-

• Respond to your partner's bids with positivity. Even if the bid seems small or inconsequential, acknowledging and responding in a positive manner fosters a sense of connection. It could be a smile, a nod, or a verbal response.

Validate and Affirm-

• Validate your partner's feelings and experiences. Affirming their emotions or thoughts shows that you understand and appreciate their perspective, creating a deeper connection.

Express Empathy-

• Cultivate empathy in your responses. Understand your partner's emotions and communicate that understanding. Empathetic responses build emotional intimacy and strengthen the bond between you.